After a Night of Thai Food

Although I know nobody is paying any attention to these notes of mine, I am not one to worry…most things I say are not mainstream either. I hate though that when I feel like I am progressing, I regret the actions I took in order to make progress. For instance, I sent a terrible peace corp application/resume last week. I haven’t heard back from them and doubt I ever will. I actually sent them a very disorganized resume that did not go into detail of the volunteerism I acted in. In fact, I have done alot of volunteer work, but I failed time and time again, A—–, I forgot to input that fact to make my application more competitive! Argg!

Today, I look back on all of my actions and wish I hadn’t done much of it. Arggg! I suffer from constantly needing to make progress. Like just now, I sent in a terrible application to a place I do not want to work for!!!!! But I spent hours on tailoring my resume to be competitive! Why me??? I am product of my past! I only look for opportunities that link with my upbringing, my past memories, and my past friendships, all of these things keep sticking to me even now, in 2015.

The more I make these progressions in work, behavior, dress, and friendships, I feel like I am just doing nothing but the same, boring, normal things everyone else does in my generation, except the forbidden few, who are not very lazy, who are not very shallow, and who uphold the highest degree of intelligence, drive, positivity, and ambition. I need that spirit!!!

How do they find such motivation to do stuff, get stuff moving/rolling, make lasting connections cross-culturally and abroad, and still manage to stay in one simple piece called human?

A few names come to mind, none of which I will name…why? What difference does it make whether I name them or not? the fact is, they don’t care, they’re productive, unlike me. I simply write blogs, and no one reads them, or likes them, or notices me at all, unless I’m doing something to annoy them, like cut in front of them, or act pretentious.

I could just join the military. But I might get screwed over…and lose my marbles.

as this interesting character would say, “lose my marbles…” heheh…

If not the military, of which I resign myself the duties of…what can I do with the rest of my future A——–?

Yup, I’ve been BLASTED with propaganda, time and time again, all throughout the course of my existence and yup, I’ve felt the pressure to just join the military and serve and lose my marbles…yup…but today, like yesterday, and the days before, I have resigned myself of such requests…in fact, I want to take a good look in the mirror, stare hard and cold at my face, and find myself, before the end comes, and I become nothing but a skeleton, 10 feet underneath the ground/dirt. My body at this time in point is not infested with maggots, flies, and critters, ahah! I have FREEDOM!!!!!!!


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